The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1995 book by Gary Chapman
It outlines five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls “love languages”: These are
1. Gifts – giving and receiving
2. Quality time – one on one time spent together with full attention
3. Words of affirmation – eg:”You did so well”, “I am so grateful for you in my life”, “Thank you for being great, magnificent, caring” etc
4, Acts of service – “doing the dishes”, “bringing in an income to pay the bills”, “mowing the lawns”, “making the bed”
5. Physical touch – “gentle loving hugs, warm embraces, holding hands for no reason, cuddling.
Each person has one primary and one secondary love language.
Love language is valid in all of your relationships, including those in the work place, with Children, sisters, brothers, parents, neighbors and so on .
If there is a relationship that is feeling unstable take time to assess within you, where you may be holding back from giving through the love language that is most important to the other person.
In this amazing and simple book Chapman suggests that to discover a love language, one must
1.Observe the way we express love to others,
2.Analyze what we complain about most often, and
3.What we request from our significant other most often.
People tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love.
It is also possible to find another person’s love language by asking those same questions above.
In the book it explains that emotionally, people need to “receive love” and uses the metaphor of a ‘love tank’ to explain peoples’ need to be loved, and that is more effectlvely received when it is received by their own particluar relevant love language that they understand.
It explains the power of Identitfying the other persons language first THEN use their language to express your love for them rather than using your own love language. We should not use the love languages that “we like” but rather the love languages that our loved ones “can receive”.
Chapman also suggests that peoples’ love languages “do not change over time”, but instead “develop and need to be nurtured in different ways”.
Enjoy exploring ways to deliver love to your beloved using their love language and watch the relationship flourish.